Alia's

That moment when nothing feels right. *flip tudung* i like you but i'm scared as hell. excited for cambodia but stressed as F. plus my precious gundams hurt so damn bad with tiny missing parts and i'm pissed off. *i cried last night like a mother who lost her kids* okay, bangang tak main emosi macam ni. orang dah cakap, diri tu control la sikit. main redah je haa. sekarang bertubi-tubi pekara ganggu emosi datang. dah takleh nak kawal dah. fine. kalau macam ni permainan dia. kita redha. kita terima. karma kata orang. what you give you get back man. yang benar, manusia tak stabil.

My last post made me think how selfish I am worrying about useless thing ( my never ever going to happen love story) while my Muslims brothers and sisters are fighting for their life in Palestine, Gaza, Syria and all over the world. Today, back from terawikh I have the leisure of watching movie with my family and lazying on the couch while enjoying keropok lekor. While the others are begging for their life, been fasting not just because of Ramadhan but because they don't have food, been running around hiding from the rockets, missiles and guns and the worst part is THEY ARE JUST CHILDREN. KIDS. Age of 7,8 and 9 and even babies. Kids are losing their parents, man and woman loses their children. Their houses are destroyed. Streets filled with violent Zionists. They have nowhere to hide. It's a torture to watch all those pictures that people kept sharing on twitter and facebook. Those babies have done nothing wrong. They deserve better life. It's painful to watch and trus...

Nak nangis boleh? Kenapa asyik kecewa macam ni? Dah tahu bakal sakit, masih tegar mencari. Dah tahu akan pedih, gatal pergi tengok. Dah tahu hati akan sayu, kenapa pergi taruhkan harapan tinggi..? Dah tahu kan alia? Kenapa diri ini tak pernah sedar? Kenapa diri ini masih lalai? Kenapa perlu pisang berbuah berkali-kali dan kali? Kenapa alia? Kenapa hati ini lembut menyayangi? Kenapa hati ini begitu mudah tersentuh? Kenapa hati ini masih jatuh cinta? Dan kenapa kepada yang takkan pernah sudi? Tidakkah pengalaman lalu mengajar? Tidakkah kesakitan lalu masih membelengu diri? Tidakkah mahu bahagia dan bukan derita? Kenapa alia ? Kenapa? Bertepuk sebelah tangan bukanlah hakikat yang mudah untuk diterima .... Bangun lah . Bangun lah dari mimpi dan angan kosong ini. Bangun lah . Bangun lah dari kesakitan lalu. Sedar diri tu. Siapa lah kita. Siapa lah kita ni alia.....

I feel bad for you. I really do.  What's up with the insecurities man ?  What? Don't you trust him?  You know your history yet you tend to repeat it. Is it her faults or your own? Why would you want him to hate her?  She's his friend. We are studiomates.  It's hard not to bump onto each other man. You're freaking lucky she's nice.  Gotta write this somehow somewhere.  Get over it.  Grow up. 

Heyyyy. Due to today's event and i don't know probably some random tweets on twitter, i think i should get back to my loneliness life of blogging. Well yeah, it's super dusty cause no one ever ever reads it, barely post anything and cause i'm not an interesting person. Take note. Nothing interesting here. You may move on with your life. Today, 3rd of june marks my almost 4 months of internship! Wehoo. Wohoo! Yes it's fun! Much much mucho better than studio life. And yes i think it's because the fact that i'm working at my ayah's firm <-- super spoilt brat :3 But seriously, it's fun.  Oh and here i attached my favourite moment photo of climbing-the-roof-during-site-visit-in-the-rain :)

What am i doing? Being so freaking emotional over unnecessary things. I don't get myself. Contain yourself sister. You're messing with your own head. You did this to yourself. Retard. Stop this nonsense right at this second. Stop

Yes. I get you . Clear sign . I should stop . Good luck. You deserve it . I should stop being a kid . Grow up alia. Fact is a fact . And there's nothing i can do bout it. Reality hurts. But it's better if i accept it now. Now or never. Be strong dearself. I need my girls. You guys are so far away from me ..... (/´Д｀)/

5 am and i'm up. This is a rare situation as starting this semester i always end up waking up at 8 am. Just few minutes before work. And considering it's weekend this is a moment to celebrate Ye━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━s!! Okay lameeee~~~ *sigh* Tak habis habis mengeluh . I should stop worrying and start living . Why should i waste my time thinking of it ..? Right? Right? Yeah. Typical and alia her sudden depression . Same old same old.

Oh come on. I can sense depression kicking in . Refuse to do my work tonight. Although i did talk myself out into doing em tonight. TONIGHT! You have plans tomorrow. Class at night and we have to freaking submit it on sunday !! It's all because of that. *sigh* Alia. Please... You have to control yourself. Stop acting like a freaking child. You're an adult now. This shouldn't be bothering you. Grow up man . Be a lady. Ignore every disturbance. You have a goal. Achieve it man. Stop being such a cry baby. You're way way way way better than this ! If it's meant to be. It's meant to be .... (´･ω･`)

i'm in love. yup. very much . i'm in love with the present. everything seems well. i'm happy, you're happy and everyone is. i'm having fun. enjoying your company like never before. we talked. we laughed. we jokes around. i never expected it but yeah. it happen. you are nothing like i thought you were. you're better. you're the other version of me. the man version. you like the same things that i like. you do the same things that i do. i wish for nothing more. BUT.... i have this thing about happiness. they don't usually last long and it scares me. scared. indeed i am. scared of what's gonna come. how my life might end and what the future might bring. "suka-suka membawa duka" the phrase me and my girls use whenever we laugh  too much or when we were on top of the world. i don't know.. probably helps to get us back to reality. ahh reality. mood kill. am refusing the fact that i do realise that you have no intere...

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  well someone is on their good mood.  :D today was like the best working day ever!  and and and i finally knew how to use my macro lense! wohoooo! yay me! with the boss away after lunch i pretty much been playing around with this lens . hehe. sorry ayah.  come on, look at how pretty the photo turns out to be.  the mosquito, the leaf and my own pants. look at that meticulous texture shown on the second picture. oh i'm in love. sadly can't post all of this on my instagram :( sort of have this rule of not more that 2 pictures per day. cause i don't wanna trouble my followers to like all my photos. ahaa. lame.  bye for now, i have to attend my miserable-love-sick-thingy . huhhh

hey ho hey ho such life. I really should get back to blogging. for all I know I have no reader. no one even cares. well it's cool. don't even write these days. kinda miss writing. not much of an art but it's sincere. I write my feelings. my despair. my sorrow. my loneliness. oh what a pathetic person i've become. wait, i'm always that pathetic. haaaa. so melodramatic. blergh ~ so what's new huh? i'm on my third year. Alhamdulillah.... never knew I could made it this far. used to hate architecture so damn much but now that's the only thing that kept me going. not that I'm good at it but I can't imagine myself taking on other courses. yeah. plus after 5 semesters you kinda fall in love with it. mould yourself to love it. and earn it. although i have earn nothing. results are bad. seriously bad. worse. worse then ever. worse every goddamn semester. damn it i'm getting stupid. i should stop calling myself that but hey sometimes you gott...